Hearts in Journals: Entry Two Oliver
by Robin Gills
Summary: A journal entry, spilling feelings out onto a page. Slash. If you can't handle slash don't read.


Title: Hearts in Journals: Entry Two- Oliver

Author: Robin Gills

Rating: G

Pairing: Percy/Oliver

Summary: A journal entry, spilling feelings out onto a page.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, they all belong to JR Rowling and I did not make a profit from this what so ever.

_Dear Mum,_

_I want to confess something mum. Its semi-important and I know you can't give me advice because you're, well, up there in heaven. But please listen anyway. I know you do. I don't know why I haven't told you this from the start, but I just wasn't sure if I could, if I really did feel this way. Silly of me really. I've been nothing but stupid not to notice that I had this something for him all these years. sigh I'm hopeless! I fantasize over him and he would probably be disgusted with the very thought! I mean he was a prefect and now he's Head Boy. (or Big Head Boy as Fred and George affectionately call him)._

_I agree with Fred and George that the boy is perfect. Perfect Percy, nothing more and nothing less. How can you be more than perfect. I know that he would never think of me in the way I wish because he 'is' perfect. I mean seriously; he's been going out with Clearwater for crying out loud! How much proof do you need, because if that doesn't have 'straight' written all over it, I don't know what does. I haven't told you yet and I've only really gotten the courage to tell you this now and if it's taken me this long to 'write' it, It sure as hell going to be a long time before I ever tell 'him'. Though maybe I should._

_It did slip once. I was in the Quidditch team locker room and I had a picture of Percy there. I had just gotten it before the game and I hadn't had time to put it away. It had fluttered down to the ground. Fred saw it, and before I got to it, he did. He looked at it and he seemed a little surprised. I thought he'd freak out and yell at the top of his lungs. But he didn't. He just looked at me, smiled, and you wouldn't believe what he told me. He told me I should hurry up and tell him. I just looked at him. I was so shocked. George came around from behind him. He looked at the picture and just like his brother, he said I ought to hurry because I only had one more year left before we would be scattered across the earth. I was shocked!_

_When I finally found my voice I stuttered, "W-w-what? Hurrrry wi-i-ithw-w-whhat?" They just smiled and Fred handed the picture back and he said, "I think you know what we mean." With that they finished dressing and left for the common room were they would be celebrating our victory. I stared after them. I finally drew my eyes away from the door and looked down at the picture. Percy smiled up at me waving. I had smiled slightly and waved back. I carried him up to the common room. I made it though the party and put the smiling god in my dresser were I'd be able to see him every morning._

_I wondered to myself then. How had they found out? Was I that easy to read? I'm not really open with anyone. The only person I really told anything to was Percy. Then a sudden fear hit me. What if they told Percy? I re-thought that they had told me to tell Percy. But 'how' would I tell Percy? Percy is my best friend. I have told him so. And I can't tell Percy. Because Percy has a girlfriend. It's painfully obvious that I don't have a chance with him. And I doubt I ever will have a chance with the red haired boy. If Percy knew, if Percy ever knew that Oliver Wood, the Gryffindor Quidditch captain, was in love with him! I figured Percy would look at me in disgust and would no doubt call me some kind of ugly word. A few float to the top of my mind. Prick and Pervert are just a few to name._

_He did ask me once, if I had a girlfriend. I told him I just hadn't found the right person. My mind was screaming 'THAT'S NOT TRUE! I HAVE! ITS YOU!' I also told him that I would just know, and it would just come to me. It would hit me in the face. My mind told me that it already had. I ignored that voice and we continue with our homework._

_A lot of the time I have these dreams. I dream that I'm holding him, that he kisses me softly on the lips and tells me that he loves me. I tell him that I love him too. They all seem so real, so perfect. The dreams are so innocent and peaceful. I wish desperately to never wake up, when I dream like that. To just sleep and dream of the perfect boy. To sleep forever with Percy in my arms. A dream can never to come true, I tell my self when the sun wakes me. When I wake, I quickly dress and sneak out to the Quidditch pitch, quietly so as not to wake him or the others in the room._

_Quidditch has taken over my life. I use it as a distraction. I concentrate so hard on Quidditch because the Head Boy is always in my head. I spent a whole summer planning strategies to keep my mind off of him. Quidditch keeps me sane! I suppose I should concentrate on school work more than Quidditch. But I do have good marks, surprisingly enough. I always go to the Quidditch pitch in the morning, to work my mind out of the focus on Percy. I fly as fast as I can. I'm so enraged that I'm thinking this way. That I always think about him that way. I just get so mad! I hurl the Quaffle so hard that it hurts my arm and then speed after it, trying to release all the tension, so I 'can' concentrate on school. That's why I'm here isn't it?_

_Sometimes I find myself thinking of him so much it hurts. I'm surprised he hasn't figured anything out yet. That his best friend is in love with him. That all I really want is for him to kiss meaningless or to kiss him senseless. Love is so confusing. Does everyone have the problems I do? I wish I had all the answers to this. Do I tell him? Do I risk the fact that we are friends? But I ache for his arms, his kisses. I want to know what he tastes like._

_I've figured out what he smells like. It took me the better half of a year to figure it out. He has a soft aroma of vanilla, strawberries and rainwater. I was surprised at my self at that point. That's when I really realized I had a problem. That I was really 'in love' with Percy Weasley._

_I can't imagine what Da would think, right mum? He'd would totally freak out. I say tell Alex make him the granddad he wants to be. He 'is' married after all. Sorry, mum. That must be a little shock for you. Da can get his grandchildren form Alex and his Quidditch dream from me. Sorry Da, but I can't do both. I wasn't really homosexual to start with. Actually, I didn't know I was. I always thought that girls were very pretty, especially Angelina Johnson, Katie Bell and Alicia Spinnet. They wouldn't be to bad a choice either. They all love Quidditch. But I just think they deserve better than me. I'm in love anyway. My heart's already taken._

_That's the other thing. What if I did tell Percy and he didn't feel the same? He would walk away and take my heart with him. I don't think I could really love anyone else but Percy. Percy is so gentle, even though he is very strict. I don't think he is strict inside. He is very kind and receiving when he's around me. I think he uses the non-rule breaker reputation as a wall. I really think he's hiding something. He looks so sad and depressed sometimes, like at times when I sneak peeks at him, when we study together. His eyes are too deep with sadness. It's like he wants something and is afraid to have it. I always want to wrap him in a hug and tell him that everything will be all right and that I'm here and I won't let anything happen to him. I want to tell him he's safe in my arms. I want to tell him that he can trust in my love and that there is nothing to fear because I'm here for him. He looks so innocent and vulnerable and I ache all over just to hold him with all my might._

_Sometimes I wake early in the morning before the sun and I walk over to his bed to watch him sleep. He looks so innocent and so vulnerable when he sleeps. I want desperately to protect him from any danger. I look at him without those glasses that I know he hides behind. And I look at his rumpled hair and I think it would look a bit better if it wasn't so neat, but that's Percy. The glasses and the hair is just plainly Percy. I accept that, because that's who he is. _

_Percy always has a reputation to keep up to be just as good as his brothers. Because if he doesn't people will think less of him. They'll think that he's the dud in the family. He told me something like that once. I don't think he meant to either. It just kind of came out. But even though he has exceeded, and that people don't think of him as the dud. It won't really matter because they seam to do it fist. Though he knows Ron has a harder time. He's the last and they've already done it. He does care for his family weather they know it or not. Percy is very kind and has a kind heart. That was probably the thing that drew Percy to him me. Either that or that the boy didn't really have any real friends. Because everyone thought he was so bossy._

_I know that this love could either help of destroy our friendship. I think I should tell Percy about my heart. I know about the chances, that he has Penelope. But I think I must tell him. I think I must tell him and get it off my chest. Its been bugging me for a long, long time._

_I've made up my decision, mum I thought you should know. I shall tell Percy Weasley that I have and will always love him._

_I think it would be wise to wish me luck mum. Good-bye for now mum._

_O.T. Wood_


End file.
